Transition to Secondary School

Every child handles the move to secondary school differently but as parents there are ways you can support your child:

• Rehearse new things – there will be many new things your child will have to do at secondary school and you won’t be able to plan for them all but you can plan for the practical things like ordering their school dinner, paying for items. Also planning the route to school and having back up plans so your child has an idea of what to do if something goes wrong. For instance if they forget their bus pass to always have some spare money just for emergencies.
• Practice meeting new people – help them develop their social skills by giving them examples of questions they can ask people in order to get to know them better, “which primary school did you go to? Or “do you know anybody here?”
• Virtual transition – look at the school website and familiarise yourself and your child with the school layout, pictures of staff, and the school day
• Positive language – remind them how far they have come, what they are good at and how they succeeded in other transitions in their life.
• Minimise your own anxiety – it’s natural to have your own anxieties and worries about your child starting secondary school but try not to share these with your child, try and stay positive and upbeat.
• Know who to contact – if there is a problem or a concern don’t be worried about contacting the school. In secondary school the first point of contact would be your child’s form teacher or head of year.  If you’re unsure ring reception and ask them.
• Encourage them to explore their feelings – talk to them about how they are feeling, identify behaviours which may give clues to how they are truly feeling and address these. “I can see you seem agitated and tired I wonder if you are worried about secondary school. It’s ok to be worried and I/we are here to help and support you”.
• Help them become part of the school community – see what clubs the school run or out of school activities which your child may be interested in
• Build their confidence – remind them of their successes and who they have around them for support
• It’s not just about the worries – talk to your child about what they are looking forward to, tell them about your positive experiences of secondary school
• Keep on exploring your child’s thoughts and feelings and encourage them to feel that they can come and talk to you and that you will be there to support the no matter what

Friendships

Whether your child has started secondary school with people from primary school or on their own they will meet lots of other young people and make new friendships.  Some young people seem to make friends easy where as others struggle and take time to make friends and keep them.  For adopted children this can be particularly hard due to the lasting impact of early life trauma on their social development.  Some may do anything to ‘fit in’ whereas others will push people away to protect themselves from being hurt or feelings of loss.  The Children’s Society conducted a study looking into young people’s well-being called The Good Childhood Report.  Each year they consult with young people to get their views on life and how best to support them.  The reports have found that since 2015 young people have become less and less satisfied with their friendships, so why is this and how can parents help?

Friendships are complicated and unique to each person which makes it hard to navigate through making, maintaining and developing friendships.  There is no magic formula when it comes to helping young people deal with friendships but the following may help you to support your young person.

• Listen – if they are going through a difficult time with their friendships listen to what they have to say, don’t interrupt, let them get everything out. If your chid doesn’t want to talk don’t push them but reassure them that you are there to listen when they are ready to talk.
• Acknowledge – If they do talk to you acknowledge what they have to say, don’t jump to conclusions or try and lay blame on one person. Acknowledge their feelings and take them seriously. It might be that your child doesn’t understand why they feel the way they do.
• Solutions – there doesn’t always need to be a solution, sometimes all the young person needs is to have a voice and be heard. Ask them if they want to do something about the problem or concern if so discuss it together to reach a solution.  If they don’t want anything done at this time, respect their decision but tell them you are there if they change their mind.  Keep the lines of communication open, let your child know how much you value their opinion.
• To act or not? – Only act on their information if the young person wants you to or if they or anyone else is in danger but make sure you tell them why you have to do something. Don’t assume your child can’t deal with the situation on their own.  You can still monitor and watch but don’t interfere or break confidentiality.
• Guide them – Help your child identify what a toxic or unsafe friendship is and help them to leave the friendship. Let them know that it is ok to walk away from a friendship at any time.

Help solve the problem with them not for them!

Positives of Friendships

• Help develop a child’s social development
• Help young people to explore and discover their own identities
• Help children to be more independent and develop a sense of autonomy
• Have a positive influence on a child’s mental health

How to help your YP to build Friendships

• Remember you are not their friend, you are their parent whose role is to guide and support.   You may not like your child’s friends but they are important to your child and you can help them learn the difference between a ‘good friend’ and a ‘bad friend’.  It’s important for young people to have people their own age around them.
• Invite their friends round or make sure your child knows that their friends are welcome.
• Try and get them involved in other activities both within school and outside of school so they can create different groups of friends in different areas of their life.

Relationships

Your child will have already experienced many different relationships with different people throughout their life, birth family, extended family, foster family an now their adopted family.  They will have picked up some skills to manage relationships and to have an idea what a good relationship and a bad relationship might look like.  They may have referred to friends as ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ but not been involved in intimate relationships.  Parents will have different views about when it is appropriate for their child to start ‘dating’ and have their own rules regarding this.  At secondary school young people are trying to find their own identities and how they fit into the world, they see older children in ‘relationships’ and may want to start experiencing this for themselves or have friends who are in a relationship.  It’s important to speak to your child about the different types of relationships and the problems that may arise and what they can do about them.

Romantic relationships are a normal part of development and are a natural part of the physical, social and emotional aspects of adolescents. There will be many ups and downs in a relationship and this is normal but what is and isn’t a ‘normal’ relationship?  There is no right or wrong answer to what makes a good relationship as this is different for every couple but the one thing that is the same for everyone is that a relationship with someone else should make you happy!

What is a healthy relationship?

Before your child starts to engage in romantic relationships it’s important to identify what makes a healthy relationship whether romantic or not.

• Trust – Trust is a big part of any relationship, understanding and knowing that the other person won’t hurt you or betray you. It’s important to be able to trust the other person otherwise the relationship won’t be healthy and won’t last.
• Respect – it’s important for people to like each other for who they are. People in a relationship need to listen and take on board what each other have to say and if they say they don’t want to do something they back off and not push their boundaries. Being in a respectful relationship means the other person values who you are and understands you without wanting to try to change you in anyway.
• Honesty – you need to have honesty if you’re going to trust someone so the two work well together. Being honest with each other helps you know where you both stand.
• Communication – you should be able to talk to your partner openly and honestly about your thoughts, feelings and views. They don’t have to agree with you but talking is important to get to know the other person better.  Don’t bottle things up if you’re worried about how your partner will take it, remember honesty and trust!
• Being you – no matter how much two people have in common it’s important to remember we are individuals with our own identities. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to like the same things or do the same things, it’s much healthier to bring differences into the relationship.  You should be able to continue doing everything you enjoyed doing before the relationship started and continue to try new things, go to new places and make new friends.
• Give and take – both people in a relationship should take it in turns to make decisions and doing things the other enjoys. Things should feel equal between you.
• Support – you need your partner to be able to support you through the good and bad times.

What is an unhealthy relationship?

It’s not as simple as saying an unhealthy relationship has everything a healthy relationship doesn’t as characteristics of an unhealthy relationship may not be as obvious and what might start off as a healthy relationships can soon change.

Relationships are not always easy and have their ups and downs but this is ‘normal’ a bad relationship or an unhealthy relationship lacks any of the qualities mentioned above.  The following indicate an unhealthy relationship:

• Being mean – when your partner says mean things about the other person, or does mean things then this is not healthy. They may say they’re just joking or messing about but this is bullying and horrible for any relationship.
• Disrespectful – if a partner does things without asking or make the other person do things they don’t want to do. Someone who is not listening or valuing the other person’s thoughts and feelings is not a good partner.
• Controlling – someone who stops someone from seeing their friends or doing things they like to do and wants you to just be with them and do the things they want to do is controlling behaviour.
• Abusive – if physical violence is ever used against another person, or someone shouts at you, tries to make someone do things they really don’t want to do or are nasty and make them feel bad about themselves or upset a person many times can all be different ways a partner can be abusive. This is NOT normal behaviour and no one should have to put up with it.

Warning Signs

If your child is in a romantic relationship get them to ask themselves the following questions about their partner, that way they may be able to identify the triggers or signs that the relationship is unhealthy:

• Do they get angry when I don’t drop everything for him or her?
• Do they criticise the way I look or dress, and say I’ll never be able to find anyone else who would go out with me?
• Do they keep me from seeing friends or from talking to other guys or girls?
• Do they want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
• Do they ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
• Do they try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

Highlight to your child that if anyone is doing anything which makes them uncomfortable or is making them do anything they don’t want to do then they need to end the relationship. Get them to talk to someone they trust who can help them get out of the relationship and feel safe.

Sexual Relationships

As your child develops into a young person and their relationships become more serious they will start to encounter intimacy and sexual relationships.  As a parent it can be really hard to discuss sex and what it means with your child and there never seems the ‘right time’ but with sex education a part of the national curriculum in schools your child may be more aware than you think.  “A Parent’s Guide to Talking to your Teenager about Sex” is a useful tool from Youthscape which helps prepare you for how to start the conversations and avoid any pitfalls.

Sexual Identity

Sexual identity is how a person relates to themselves regarding their sexuality.  There are many diverse sexual identities and the language and definitions can be confusing, here are a few:

• Heterosexual (straight) – someone who is mostly romantically/sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender
• Lesbian (Gay) – a female who is mostly attracted romantically/sexually to people of the same gender
• Gay – a person who is largely attracted to someone of the same gender but mostly used in reference to a male who is mostly attracted romantically/sexually to males
• Bisexual (Bi) – someone who is sexually attracted to people of more than one gender
• Transgender – someone who doesn’t identify with the gender identity they were born with
• Queer – used to be seen as a derogatory term but can be used to describe people within the LGBT+ community. It is also used as its own identity for people who want to reject the specific labels of gender and sexual identity.

When used in the acronym LGBTQ+ the ‘Q’ can also mean ‘questioning’ + – is used when someone is not sure how they identify so are still questioning their sexual identity. It is not as common, although felt by some to be more inclusive of those identities outside of the acronym LGBT+

• ‘Coming out’ – describes a person who shares with others their sexual identity.  ‘Coming out’ is not just a onetime event, for LGBT+ it can be ongoing as they meet new people and are involved in new situations.

There are many more definitions, an extensive list has been published by Brook which can be found here.

What if your child identifies as LGBTQ+?

You may have thoughts as to how your child will identify themselves sexually but being able to identify themselves under one of the sexually diverse categories is a huge step.

• Support them – If your child speaks to you about their sexuality realise that this has taken a lot of courage and they trust you to be able to share that they want your blessing and support. Your initial reaction can set the way as to how things move forward so try and keep positive, and tell them you love them.
• Keep talking and listening – staying quiet can make your child think something is wrong or you’re angry. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, listen and keep communication going.
• Realise your own feelings – It’s natural to have mixed feelings, you may worry about how society will treat them, what friends and family are going to say and worry about them being bullied.
• Don’t presume it is a phase – If your child has opened up to you they have probably been going through a lot of emotions and anxiety themselves to get to this stage so take them seriously.
• Reassure them – they are still the same person with the same personality and traits reassure them that you love them and will be there to support them
• Be proactive – read up about what being LGBT+ actually means as you may have a lot of misconceptions that way you can better support your child. Also make use of the resources available to inform yourself if you think your child may be LGBT+ but they haven’t confided in you yet so that when they do you will be prepared.
• Telling others – discuss with your child about telling other people, go with their lead, respect their decision. If it is decided to tell other people think about your language and your responses to what other people may say.  Be prepared to challenge people’s views and make them aware that you are supporting your child.

LGBT+ and Faith

Many faith communities now openly welcome people from all backgrounds but there are still a few within the community who struggle with the idea of LGBT+ people being part of their communities.

Take your time – you may have a lot of questions about your faith and how it support LGBT+ but you don’t have to find the answers straight away.  Focus on keeping the family together and allow time to work through your faith struggles.

Keep the love – showing and maintaining love within the home can help resolve other issues in time.

Be the best you can – your child ‘coming out’ doesn’t change anything they still need love, guidance, support and encouragement so be the best parent you can be.

Don’t be led – there may be others within your community who have very different views about LGBT+, you child and family and what you should do.  Put your relationship with your child first and maintain communication within the family.

Recurring themes – within many faiths is love, kindness, healing and devotion, remember these when navigating through this.

Find support – seek out support for yourself, talk to others or look at the resources available.

Supportive groups – there are many supportive groups within different denominations or religions, a list can be found here.

Use your faith – if a particular practice within your faith has helped you through before then use it now.   For example, prayer can help you guide your actions better than written rues or expectations.

Keep your child’s faith – if your child also has a strong faith base help them to keep this, it may mean finding an alternative spiritual home who will welcome the whole family.

Bullying

What is bullying?

Bullying can take many forms, physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, and prejudicial and cyber bullying which we will discuss in the next section. Research has shown that bullying comes from a place of power and control, the bully uses a person’s differences against them and anyone can become a bully or be bullied.  Being adopted can be seen as a vulnerability to bullies and a way they can be hurtful to their victim.  There is no legal definition about what bullying is but the Anti-Bullying Alliance defines it as:

“The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group to another person or group, where the relationship involves imbalance of power.  Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological.  It can happen face to face or through cyberspace”.  

Signs your child might be being bullied:

• Not wanting to go to school
• Faking illness or complaining of being ill a lot more than usual, stomach ache, headaches
• Getting anxious or irritable on a Sunday or towards the end of a school holiday
• Quieter than usual and withdrawn
• Confrontational, aggressive behaviour
• More emotional than usual
• Belongings going missing
• Damaged clothing/property
• Leaving for school earlier than usual or arriving home much later

Impact of bullying

Bullying can effect a child’s mental health, if your child is showing signs of anxiety, depression or self- harm take them to see your GP as soon as possible.

How you can help

To tell or not to tell – discuss with your young person about their thoughts on what they want people to know about their adoption in high school if anything.  It is their information to share but will need your support in how to do that safely if that is what they choose to do.  Come up with a narrative which your young person can use if they are put on the spot.

Check your own emotions – hearing that someone is being mean to your child or hurting them naturally makes you feel upset and angry but try and stay calm.  Your child needs you to listen, reassure and support them.

Be prepared – think about how to deal with bullies or bullying before it happens.  Get a toolkit together with your child about things they can say or do in the moment when they won’t be able to think about it in the moment.  Practice some comeback phrases like ‘leave me alone’ in a confident way and walking away but not insults back as this may aggravate the bully and make things worse.

Check in – check in with your child every day to see how their life is in school.  You may be able to notice when things aren’t going so well by their responses. Let them know you are there and they can tell you anything so that when something isn’t going great they can come to you.

Confidence and self-esteem – It is common for adopted children to have low self-esteem and confidence so it is important to build and develop this at every opportunity.  If your young person is bullied then feeling good about themselves will help have less of an impact on their self-esteem.  Praise at every opportunity now matter how small the accomplishment. Encourage them to do things they are good at.  Help them find groups or classes to mix with likeminded people around their hobbies or interests.   Together you can come up with some positive affirmations and leave these around the house where they can clearly be seen, for example “I am strong”, “enjoy today” or “believe in yourself”.  Tell your young person the things you like about them and what you think they are good at.

Don’t presume your child needs you to fix things – children are reluctant to tell their parents if they are being bullied as they fear they will get upset and angry and want to go straight to the school or the other child’s parents.  They need you to listen and talk things through, ask them if they have done anything to try and stop the bullying and discuss ways to ty and solve it.  Don’t do anything without your child’s knowledge and permission, If they don’t want to do anything respect their decision and keep an eye on the situation, keep communicating with your child and if you think they or anyone else is at risk of harm or is being harmed report it but explain to your child what you will be doing, why and who you will be telling.  If your child comes home with any physical injuries, make a note of them, take pictures and take your child to the GP.  For serious injuries contact the police.

If they don’t tell – If you suspect that your child is being bullied but they are denying it or not talking, tell them you are there to listen and you can work things out together.  Don’t push them but give them a few tips as to what they could d if they were ever bullied.  Keep talking to your child, let them know you are there for them, take notes of anything relevant your child may say, names, dates etc.

School Responsibilities

Every school whether maintained or an academy needs to have some form of policy or guidance about bullying.  Check what these are along with the behaviour and complaints policies.  Refer to these when contacting the school.  Each school will have their own process of who to contact initially and then how to escalate the problem if you are not happy with the outcomes.

Every school has a duty of care to their students and a responsibility to keep them safe, when a child is at risk of harm or being harmed this is a safeguarding issue.

What to do if my child is a bully?

If you suspect or know that your child has been bullying others it’s ok to feel angry or upset but remember there is usually a reason why your child is doing this and finding out why can help your child stop the bullying.

Get the information – you may hear that your child is bullying others from parents, school or the club they are involved in.  Get all the information you can on all the incidences and establish what type of bullying has been going on.

Don’t deal with it alone – if the bullying has taken place in school or at a club arrange a meeting to discuss how they are handling it and to see if other things have changed for your child.

Talk to your child – let them finish what they have to say, listen to their explanations and discuss the incidences together with the consequences.  Talk about their feelings and how the other person may have felt.

Support – your child’s bullying behaviour may be stemming from other things going on in their life help your child explore what these may be or if it is clear what the problem is seek relevant help

Agency involvement – depending on the type of bullying and where it has happened school may have their own disciplinary procedures and the police may be involved.  Look at the facts and the evidence.  If there is a safeguarding issue contact your local authority safeguarding team who may be able to offer the support your child might need.

Life Story

Children process their adoption stories differently and at various stages throughout their childhoods. During adolescence, they will probably have a deeper understanding and knowledge of their own stories which may lead them to question how they are valued by their families and how friends will view them.  As with all teenagers, they are trying to find their own identities and how they fit into the world but have the added complication of trying to define how two families, their birth family and you as their adoptive family, shape their identity, (Brodzinsky, 2011).

Be positive – If you are positive about adoption and are comfortable talking about the subject and open to your child’s feelings then this will help your child to feel the same way. If this is not the case then you could be creating a negative impression and your child won’t feel they are able to come to you.

Don’t wait for your child to ask – Children can be scared to raise the subject of their adoption or ask questions as they don’t want to upset you.  Be relaxed and matter of fact when talking about adoption this will help the child feel that it is normal and create a healthy and safe environment, where they will feel able to ask questions and explore further.  Look for natural ways to talk about the subject, for example seeing something on TV, film or when out and about.

Be honest – your child may have had a particularly unpleasant past and you may not know how to approach this with your child. We have some scripts on “telling difficult stories” which we can share with you – our service and the local authority post adoption support service can help guide you on these matters.  If your child asks some hard questions that you don’t know how to answer, just be honest, “that’s a really good question but I’m not sure about the answer can you leave it with me and I’ll get back to you”.

You know your child better than anyone and will know when they are ready to hear all the information about their life story.  Don’t hide information from them or make things seem better than they were. If and when they access their birth records they may feel misled as they will eventually find out the truth and this will break the trust they had in you. Be there to support them and help them understand the complexities of their story.

Sometimes we tell ourselves that our children aren’t ready to hear difficult information because, deep down, we don’t have the words or find it too distressing to think about the things that happened to the children we love before they were placed with us. If you are struggling with the information, seek support. We understand how hard it can be to process some of the things which have happened to your child before they were adopted. Sometimes our instincts, as adults, is to protect children and protect ourselves from facing up to distressing information. However, sometimes children have vague memories that they are struggling to make sense of, sometimes understanding the full story helps a child to understand why they could not be left in a dangerous situation and why they needed to be removed and this can help them  to “move on”.  

Create the bigger picture – help your child piece together their story so they have all the information in one place.  You could even create a new life story book with them.  When explaining why they couldn’t stay with birth parents give as much information as you can.  Saying things like “they couldn’t keep you safe” is fine as long as you then explain why they couldn’t keep your child safe.

Adoption as “difference” or a “bad thing” – Your child may link negative aspects of their life to adoption, for example, your child may be excluded from something and generalise this as “it’s because I’m adopted!”  Try to help them separate the two and help them realise that being adopted doesn’t mean all aspects of their life will be bad, highlighting that the same thing happens to non-adopted children and there are good and bad parts in everybody’s life.  Help them to understand that many teenagers feel “different” for a variety of reasons.

Be available – teenagers have a habit of asking things at the most awkward times. If they do this and it isn’t appropriate for you to talk, answer in a similar way as before “that’s a great question and I’m really pleased you have asked me that but it’s not the best place to talk about it now so we will talk about it as soon as we get home”.

Also, be available in understanding their feelings, if you are talking about something and they get angry or upset but you’re not really sure why, then validate the feeling first and then ask them, “I can see this has made you really angry/upset can you tell me why you feel this way?”

Keep communicating – often teenagers don’t want to talk to their parents about anything but this doesn’t mean you don’t have to talk.  Keep the lines of communication open, it may be easier to talk to your child when there is no direct eye contact for instance going for a walk or when in the car.

Adoption groups – see if there are any adoption groups for young people in your area.  Talking to others experiencing similar things can be really helpful. Also, attend support groups for yourselves – it can be very reassuring knowing others are going through similar things to yourself and may give you some advice on how to handle certain situations.

Make sure their life story books and memory boxes are easily accessible and be available for them.  Make it clear that they can talk to you about anything and you love them and will help and support them.

Contacting Birth Parents – Unmediated contact

The media age we live in makes it easy for children to search for their birth families before they reach 18.  Children become curious and may have some unanswered questions about their birth family which they think will be answered if they contact their birth family.  If this  happens, try not to panic:

• Sit down calmly with them and explore the reasons why they have been searching for their birth family.
• If they have unanswered questions tell them you will try and find the answers for them
• They may want to know that their birth relatives are ok and how they are doing you could suggest that you could help them write a letter to them.
• Don’t give them any false hopes or tell them information as factual when it is only hearsay.
• Explain why it is not advisable for them to have contact with their birth family at this stage but that you will help them piece together everything they would like to know. This might be because there are risks which need to be assessed. Unmediated contact often leads to unsatisfactory long term outcomes – explain that we don’t know what is going on in their birth parents lives and they might not be in a good place to receive contact out of the blue.
• If they are contacted via social media, tell them that everyone needs support when establishing contact and that is why contact should be mediated through yourselves and adoption support social workers. Help them to write a kind response explaining, “it would be better if you contact me through the letterbox system so my parent(s) can support me in my contact with you”. Explain that this is so that everyone’s needs can be properly considered and people have the time they need to process what is happening.
• Again reassure them that when it is the right time to meet birth family you will be there to help them with the process and support them all the way.

Keeping safe online

There’s no getting away from the digital world in which we live and the threats this can pose especially to vulnerable and young people.  Children and young people have access to a range of digital platforms from a young age with the amount of devices increasing as they get older which raises the question for most parents as to how to keep their children safe online.  It’s easy for parents to say that they won’t give their child access to these devices but this is not realistic.   It’s much better to teach your child how to be safe when using their devices and what to look out for, as you would when teaching them to cross the road or ride a bike.

Educate yourself and your child about the sites they are using, parental controls, how to report something and what happens to the things they post then the digital world may not seem so scary.

The NSPCC has a great section about keeping your child safe online which includes cyber bullying, sexting and how to set up controls on devices to protect your child. It also has a resource called Net Aware which lists numerous apps and platforms and gives details of the risks and the age groups.

Cyberbullying/Online Bullying

What is it?

Any form of bullying through the use of electronic media devices, such as phones, tablets, laptops or gaming consoles.  There is a strong relation between online bullying and face to face bullying, it is normally someone who the child knows in other areas of their life, for example school.  The nature of the bullying means  it is not confined to one area of the child’s life but can be everywhere and every day, there is no getting away from it.

Types of cyberbullying

There are many different types of cyberbullying which can be found on the NSPCC website but here are just a few:

• Sending threatening or abusive text messages
• Creating and sharing embarrassing videos/images on social media, gaming platforms
• Creating fake accounts in another person’s name, hijacking someone’s account
• Sexting (sending explicit messages)

The impact of cyberbullying is the same as any bullying and if your child doesn’t want to talk to you suggest another family member, a teacher or someone else they trust.  They can also contact places like Childline or the NSPCC who have counsellors and support workers on hand.  They may feel embarrassed, ashamed or scared so sometimes speaking to someone who they don’t see every day or have a strong emotional connection to can be easier. You can still reassure them that it’s not their fault and they are loved.

What to do if your child has bullied someone

Talk to them about what bullying is, they may not realise that their actions can be classed as bullying or how their actions can make another person feel. It’s natural to feel angry and disappointed but try and stay calm and listen to what your child has to say about the matter.

If they are bullying someone let them know that their behaviour is unacceptable (remember separate the behaviour from the person) and explore how their behaviour makes them feel.

Discuss together how their actions need to change and how they can do this.  If they are struggling with difficult feelings ask for help.  You can contact your local adoption support team or Caritas Care.

Sexting

What is it?

Sexting is when someone sends a sexual explicit message, a nude picture of themselves or somebody else via text, video or message on a phone, laptop, tablet or gaming device.

Why do this?

Young people are heavily influenced by their peer groups, celebrities and influencers.  We live in a world where it is ‘normal’ to share our lives on social media. They may be in a comfortable trusting relationship and feel there is no risk of sending intimate pictures to their boyfriend or girlfriend and see it as a normal part of their relationship.  Others reasons could be:

• Being coerced and forced
• To make them feel good about themselves
• To try and get someone to go out with them

Risks

Research into sexting has found that 40% of young people don’t see anything wrong in sending explicit images or sexting as they don’t see the consequences of what can happen to those images therefore, they are not affected by sending them so continue to do so.  Unfortunately it only takes one brief moment accidently or on purpose for those images to be shared on other media platforms and can leave the sender vulnerable and humiliated and the sharer being involved in illegal activity. Once they post something it is out in the digital world for others to see, share and copy and that risk is there forever.

What you can do to help?

• Remind your child that once an image is out there they have no control over what happens to it, this may mean the image can be shared at any time, even in years to come when they have a job, family, and friends.
• If they receive an explicit image from someone they know tell them they need to delete it straight away. If they share that image they could be prosecuted for sending indecent images of children.
• If they receive images from someone they don’t know contact the police straight away
• Discuss the influence friends and peers may have but explain that the consequences of sending and receiving these images can have much higher consequences which can affect the rest of their lives. Let them know you are there to support them if they are being put under pressure by anyone.

Online Child sexual abuse and exploitation 

What is it?

The child exploitation and online protection website (CEOP) explains the difference between abuse and exploitation.

Online child sex abuse – “involves forcing or enticing a child to take part in sexual activity, whether or not the child is aware of what is happening. This may include activities such as involving children in looking at, or in the production of, sexual images, watching sexual activities, encouraging children to behave in sexually inappropriate ways or grooming a child in preparation for abuse.”

Online child exploitation – “is a form of child sex abuse. It occurs where an individual or group takes advantage of an imbalance of power to coerce, manipulate or deceive a child or young person under the age of 18 into sexual activity (a) in exchange for something the victim needs or wants, and/or (b) the financial advantage or increased status of the perpetrator or facilitator. The victim may have been sexually exploited even if the activity appears consensual.

Online child abuse and exploitation can take many forms and include:

• Online Grooming – When somebody befriends and develops a relationship with a child for the purpose of abuse or exploitation.It can start very innocently as the perpetrator tries to gain the child’s trust and can escalate quickly. This can be done through social media, messaging and live streaming.
• Live Streaming – offenders get victims to watch or commit sexual acts via a webcam.Offenders also stream live abuse or images of children with other offenders.
• Online coercion and blackmail – coercing or blackmailing a child through technology for sexual, financial or personal gain by using images and videos of that child against them
• Possession, production and sharing of prohibited images – using online platform to view and store indecent images of children
• Indecent images of children (IOCC) – indecent images of a child, parts of a child or images depicting a child either engaging in sexual activity, sexual posing or actions.
• Prohibited images of children- images created through CGI or cartoons depicting a child involved in a sexual act or watching a sexual act or pictures focused on a child’s genitals

If you think or know that your child is being abused or exploited online contact the police and CEOP.  You can report to CEOP here.  CEOP also has an education website called ‘Think u Know’ which has loads of information about keeping safe online it also has areas for different aged children with games and interactive activities to help children learn about how to keep themselves safe.

Mental Health

Young people’s mental health and wellbeing has never been so prevalent in our society especially with the effects of the coronavirus pandemic.  With more and more young people experiencing mental health problems it is so important to understand and learn about the issues young people are facing and how you as parents can help.

• Roughly 3 children in every classroom have a diagnosable mental health disorder
• Half of all mental health problems manifest by 14 years of age
• With 1 in 3 adult mental health conditions relating directly to adverse childhood experiences adopted children can be at higher risk.

(Statistics taken from the Young Minds website)

How we can support young people?

Everyone who has a role to play in a child’s life has a responsibility to help keep children safe and develop so they can live a fulfilled adult life.  Previous experiences, the environment, stress and family dynamics can all effect a child’s health and wellbeing but positive experiences, building resilience and being open about mental health issues can all help support young people.

Keep a consistent routine – consistency provides stability for a child and helps them to feel safe.  Keep a planner of all family activities so your child can see what is happening each day.  If there are any changes to the routine make sure to tell the child and explain why and what the new plans are, try to give as much notice as possible.   Involve your child create a routine together with times for homework, socialising, hobbies, extra-curricular activities and bedtimes.  Completing the planner together may make it easier to stick to.

Ask questions – ask your child how they are, how they are feeling and what’s going on in their life, you may get a one word answer but keep the lines of communication open let them know you are there for them to talk to or give them suggestions about who else they can talk to.  If you’ve noticed a difference in their behaviour and have concerns approach them when everything is calm and quiet and you have time to listen to what they say,  let them talk in their own time.  You can offer them support or if they are reluctant to speak guide them to supportive websites, apps or organisations.

Building resilience – As a parent it’s natural to want to jump right in and solve problems in our children’s lives to protect them from upset but allowing them the opportunity to experience discomfort can help them problem solve and help to build their resilience to situations which is a valuable lifelong skill.  Promote healthy risk, push your child to do something out of their comfort zone and maybe even yours.  For example going to the shop on their own or dropping them off a little further away from school so they have to walk a little further by themselves.  If the risk pays off and is a success your child will be confident to push themselves again and if the risk was not successful go back to problem solving together.

Anxiety

Everyone at some point in their lives experiences feeling anxious, whether it’s an interview, exam or trying something new.  Anxiety is a normal emotion and can actually help us perform under pressure when it is short lived.  Problems arise when the anxiety is long term and starts to effect other areas of the child’s life. Anxiety is reported to be one of the most common disorder in children and adults (Stem4). 

Signs of Anxiety

There can be many different signs of anxiety affecting us physically, motivating our behaviours and controlling our thoughts and emotions.

Physical Signs

• Heart racing
• Changes in breathing, can become faster or slower or more erratic
• Feeling sick/dizzy
• Shaking

Behaviours

• Avoiding situations
• Agitated
• Being snappy, argumentative, angry more easily
• Not eating or eating excessively

Thoughts

• Racing thoughts, lots going on in their mind
• Overthinking
• More negative thoughts
• Problems concentrating

Emotions

• Feeling frightened or panicky
• Feeling out of control
• Becoming easily emotional, angry, upset
• Other people having a greater effect on them

How to help

• Learn to recognise the signs of anxiety, question the meanings behind their behaviours
• Be there to listen, talking can make your child feel more anxious so give them plenty of time and talk to them when doing something else so as not to be face to face. For example, go for a walk or driving in the car.
• Reassure them that there are ways to help and it is not something they have to deal with on their own
• Have a tool kit of websites, apps, organisations where your child can get help and advice and learn to help themselves
• Try and find out what is causing their anxiety, they may not know but by discussing it you may be able to figure it out together.
• Practice some strategies to help reduce the anxiety together, for example breathing exercises. Stem4s free app ‘Clear Fear’ and ‘Combined Minds’ are really useful tools with lots of strategies to help manage anxiety.

Depression

Children and adults have days when they feel demotivated and a bit low and can be normal responses to stresses in our lives, however, the problems start when these low feelings continue and there doesn’t seem to be any change.  Clinical depression effects 5 in every 100 teenagers when treatment is needed.

Signs of depression – depression changes the way a person thinks, feels and behaves:

Changes in Behaviours

• No motivation to do anything
• Not engaging in activities they usually enjoy
• Staying in their room
• Engaging in reckless behaviours, smoking, drinking and drug taking. Going out at all hours, staying out and not coming home
• Behaviour at school getting worse, more detentions or academically not doing well

Changes in thoughts

• Negative thoughts about self and life and the future
• Having a sense of failure and not being good enough, highly sensitive
• Blaming self for everything and lots of guilty feelings

Changes in feelings

• Crying a lot
• Emotional outbursts
• Anger
• Irritability
• Nothing seems to be right

Physical changes

• Change in appetite
• Pale complexion
• Lots of illnesses/ pain but no obvious cause
• Constant tiredness/ changes in sleep

How to help

• Let your child know you have noticed a change in them and want to help
• Listen without judgement, they are not experiencing these feelings because they are week or can’t cope, they are ill and need treating accordingly
• Don’t try and dismiss the situation by saying things like “pull yourself together” or “cheer up”.
• Don’t get frustrated
• Offer consistent emotional support and understanding
• Provide practical help, do they need help with parts of their everyday routine
• Offer hope that there is help and in time they will feel better
• Ask your child what they want, what would be most helpful to them
• Have realistic expectations – what they once were able to do may not be the case now
• Be patient
• Explain that it is an illness and treatable either by going to see the GP or other sources of support.
• Your GP can refer you to the relevant professional support however if the child is ever at any risk of harm you need to take them to A&E.

Self-Harm

Self-harm is a behaviour as a way to cope with emotional distress, it is not an illness.  Self-harming can include self- poisoning, overdoses and self-inflicted injuries.  Self-harming is not always a conscious act and some people can seem in a trance like state when self-harming.  There will be different triggers to self-harm for each young person and is not always about control but is a release from the emotional pain they are feeling.  Not all self-harm is evident as young people have feelings of guilt and shame and so hide their injuries or self-harm in places no one will see.

Signs of self-harm

• More frequent an unexplained accidents or injuries
• Keeping fully covered even in warm weather
• Sharp objects found in child’s bedroom or personal belongings
• Blood stains on sheets, towels, clothing
• Breakdown in relationships and communication
• Low self esteem
• Irritability
• Mood changes
• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies
• Changes at school

How to help

• Realise that the behaviours are a cry for help and are NOT attention seeking
• Look for the warning signs and don’t ignore them
• Talk to your child as soon as possible, it is not something to be ignored or left
• Try to reduce your child’s feelings of guilt and shame and explain to them why they may be self-harming. For example, “It must be so hard when you have these feelings and you don’t know what to do with them and self-harming feels like the only way to get away from that pain.  I wonder if sometimes you don’t even realise you’ve done it until after it but I want to help you find ways to deal with your pain without hurting yourself.  I love you and I am here for you and we can help you to feel better, it doesn’t have to be like this for ever.”
• Validate your child’s feelings
• It’s likely that you won’t understand why your child self-harms so ask them, ask them how it helps them, and ask them if there is a way you can help.
• Remove any items which your child could use to self-harm out of the way
• Provide alternative items, punch bag, stress balls, elastic bands
• Contact your GP

Eating Disorders

With the media heavily influencing young people in to how to look, act and what to buy the pressure to become the ‘perfect person’ can become obsessive.  Here are many different ways young people evaluate their self-worth and people with eating disorders do this through their weight, body shape and how they control these.  Having an eating disorder involves a change in eating habits and weight control behaviours which effects a person physiologically, psychologically and socially.

There are three categories of eating disorder:

Anorexia Nervosa – this is when a person severely limits their intake of food or stops eating altogether causing dramatic weight loss and even starvation.  Other people will see the noticeable difference but a person with anorexia nervosa will see this change in weight and body shape as success and therefore are motivated to continue rather than change.

Characteristics – physical

• Avoiding food, limiting intake of food also may take appetite suppressants
• Distorted body image – for example seeing themselves as fat all over or seeing specific parts of the body as ugly, fat, out of proportion
• Hormonal changes, could delay puberty or stop a girls menstrual cycle
• 15% below ‘normal’ body weight

Characteristics – emotional/psychological

• Changes in character
• Obsessive about weight, shape and dieting, calorie counting
• Fear of gaining weight
• Unrealistic view of being fat
• Distress at meal times
• Depression, anxiety or thoughts of self-harm, withdrawn
• Focus on ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods, black and white thinking around this

Characteristics – behavioural

• Preoccupied with food, cooking for others, cooking lots of food but not actually eating it
• Stop eating foods which they once enjoyed
• Over exercising, not being able to keep still
• Inducing vomiting
• Taking laxatives
• Constantly checking food labels and monitoring calories
• Lying or avoiding questions around eating habits, weight and body shape

How to help

• Highlight your concerns to the young person in a none accusing way, use “I” instead of “you”. For example, “I have noticed you are not eating those yoghurts you used to love” or “I am worried about you because you don’t seem to be eating a lot” instead of “you are making me worried”.
• Be specific about the changes you have noticed but don’t focus too much on the person’s weight, food and diets.
• Don’t comment on your child’s appearance either positively or negatively
• Don’t try and tell them they aren’t fat or they don’t need to lose weight as it won’t mean anything to them and they may feel like you don’t understand
• They may become defensive and deny that anything is wrong but stay calm, listen to them and remember it is an illness they are not just being difficult.

Bulimia Nervosa – As with people with AN people with BN also reduce their food intake but have periods over eating which can result in them maintaining what seems to be a healthy body weight.

Characteristics – behavioural

• Binge eating. Eating an excessive amount of food in one go
• Self-induced vomiting
• Excessive exercising, fidgeting, always on the go
• Taking laxatives, diuretics (help rid the body of sat and water) or other medications in order to promote weight loss

Characteristics – emotional/psychological

• Feeling a loss of control
• Extreme mood changes
• Tense, argumentative

Characteristics – Physiological

• Sores on knuckles
• Swollen glands
• Tooth decay
• Throat infections
• Heart palpitations
• Epileptic fits

How to help – bulimia usually starts the same way as anorexia but it can take much longer for bulimia to be identified due to the person’s weight being normal for their height and age.

• If you have noticed changes in your child’s eating habits then also watch out for them disappearing to the toilet during or straight after eating
• Talk to them about the changes you have noticed in their behaviours, be specific about what you have noticed
• Don’t comment on their weight or body shape
• Listen to them, you may pick up areas of difficulty in their life which needs addressing
• Be available
• Don’t judge and presume

A-typical eating disorder – person has an over evaluation of their body shape and weight but do not fit into the specific categories of either anorexia nervosa or bulimia nervosa.   There are three other types of eating disorder which don’t fall into the common traits of anorexia nervosa or bulimia.

Food Avoidance Emotional Disorder (FAED)

This is when emotional issues interfere with normal eating habits.  Due to the person’s emotional state they will eat a lot less and so lose weight, it can be confused with anorexia but the motivations are different. FAED usually effects children and young people aged 5 – 16 years.  Their anxieties may not just be around food but sleeping, daily routines like going out, or become very emotional and tearful.  People suffering from FAED will be aware that they are losing weight whereas someone with anorexia can’t see the difference.

Binge Eating (compulsive eating)

This is the most common a typical eating disorder and more common than anorexia or bulimia.  People who compulsively eat still have a preoccupation with body shape and weight and may be overweight and obese but they don’t purge.  A person with this disorder is more likely to be responsive to treatment.

Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorder (OSFED)

Because different people display different symptoms of an eating disorder it can be hard to diagnose them with a single disorder.  People may have some traits of either anorexia or bulimia but not enough to diagnose.  For example a person may be showing all the usual sign of anorexia but their weight remains normal, or for someone who has all the usual signs of bulimia but their binge eating episodes are low.

Early detection is important to help stop the progression of other physical illnesses.  If you think your child is showing signs of an eating disorder please use the resources identified within this pack to help familiarise yourself with the different conditions and ways to help before approaching your child.

Drugs

At some point in your child’s life they will probably encounter drugs of some kind; this doesn’t mean they will take drugs but they will certainly hear about them and may have friends or acquaintances who take drugs.  There are many different types of drugs and it can be very confusing to understand what these are, how they work and how dangerous they can be.   There are a lot of conflicting information and myths surrounding drugs so it is a good idea to familiarise yourself with the facts so you are better able to advise and support your child.  FRANK has lots of information about the different types of drugs, articles, news, advice and support.  The NSPCC also has information about how to talk to your child about drugs.

What if you suspect your child is taking drugs?

First of all, it is helpful to be able to recognise the signs of drug taking. Remember that the signs can be very similar to lots of other teenage related behaviours, so don’t jump to conclusions but keep the possibility in mind if there are no other identifiable reasons for the behaviour you are worried about.

Signs

• Your child may be going through their pocket money very quickly or they may be asking for more money. You may notice money or objects like jewellery going missing.
• You may find unusual items in their bedroom, around the house, in the gardens or bins; these may include small plastic bags, bits of tobacco, ripped up cigarettes or aerosols.
• Their appetite may change; they may not seem hungry or be eating a lot all at once.
• Their mood will be affected; they may be easily angered, become emotional or have a “don’t care” attitude.
• They may start going out more and staying out later, and be more secretive about where they are going
• They may have ‘new friends’
• You may notice sores around their nose and/or mouth
• Their appearance may change; they may look tired and unkempt. They not be keeping clean and have lost interest in things they used to enjoy

It can be a huge shock if you find out your child is taking drugs and you may be extremely worried, but shouting at them isn’t going to help.  Take time to process the information and remember what you have learnt about the subject before talking to your child.  When you do speak to them try to remain open minded and listen to what they have to say.  Understanding why they are taking drugs is the first step in being able to support them in the best way possible.

Alcohol

Alcohol is all around us, in the shops, on TV, in adverts and in restaurants.  Your child is going to encounter alcohol at some point in their lives.  Between the ages of 11-13 is when a child is most likely to form their opinions on drinking habits for the future (The Alcohol Education Trust, 2020), and as parents you will be the people they will mainly look at to inform these opinions.

It is important to be able to talk to your child about what alcohol is, how it affects your body, what “units” mean and what are the legalities related to alcohol.  It might be easier to start the conversation when you can link it to a TV programme, a film or something in the media.  Ask them what they already know and ask open ended questions to establish what they understand about alcohol.   The Alcohol Education Trust has a lot of information about alcohol and how to speak to your child at different stages of their development from child to adult.

There are a lot of great websites which offer information for both you and your child and talking to your child about alcohol can help them be more informed about alcohol and its affects and help them to make sensible decisions.

References

We hope you have found this e-Pack useful and informative, please remember that you can contact the adoption support team at Caritas Care with support with any of the issues mentioned.  We also run regular support groups, training and workshops, details can be found in our newsletters.

References and Further Reading

ADFAM, 2021, Support for families, https://adfam.org.uk/help-for-families

Action for Children, 2021, Children and Families, https://www.actionforchildren.org.uk/our-work-and-impact/children-and-families/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_euA2Y-48gIV04BQBh3SjAbhEAAYAiAAEgLpHvD_BwE

Adoption UK, 2021, Transition from Primary to Secondary School,   https://www.adoptionuk.org/blog/transition-from-primary-to-secondary-school

Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families, 2021, Advice for Parents & Carers: Talking Mental Health with Young People at Secondary School, https://www.annafreud.org/schools-and-colleges/resources/advice-for-parents-and-   carers-talking-mental-health-with-young-people-at-secondary-school/

Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families, 2021, Supporting Children’s Transition to Secondary School: A guidance for Parents and Carers,   https://www.annafreud.org/media/13817/supporting-children-through-secondary-     transition-final.pdf

Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families, Parent Guide to Eating Disorders, https://www.mentallyhealthyschools.org.uk/resources/parent-guide-to-eating-disorders/

Anti-Bullying Alliance, 2021, Advice for Parents, https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/advice-and-support/advice-parents

Anti-Bullying Alliance, 2021, United Against Bullying,  https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/

Brook, 2021, Healthy Lives for Young People, https://www.brook.org.uk/

Brook, 2021, Sexuality: A few definitions, https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/sexuality-a-few-definitions/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_OOo556V8gIViZ7tCh08mwEGEAAYAiAAEgK3evD_BwE

Bullying Uk, What to do if your Child is a Bully, https://www.bullying.co.uk/advice-for-parents/what-to-do-if-your-child-is-a-bully/ 

CEOP, 2021, Make a Report, https://www.ceop.police.uk/Safety-Centre/

Connect Safely, 2021, The Parents Guide to Cyberbullying, https://www.connectsafely.org/cyberbullying/

Cuberbullying Research Centre, 2021, Cyberbullying: Identification, Prevention & Response, https://cyberbullying.org/Cyberbullying-Identification-Prevention-Response-2021.pdf

Drink Aware, 2021, Underage Drinking,  https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice/underage-drinking?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIifWp5rr-8gIVz-5RCh3LsQOUEAAYBCAAEgIhI_D_BwE

Department for Education, 2019, Understanding Relationships, Sex and Health Education at your Child’s Secondary School: a guide for parents, https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/907640/RSE_secondary_schools_guide_for_parents.pdf

Family Lives, 2021, A-Z Guide to Common Drugs, https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/drugs-alcohol/a-z-guide-to-common-drugs/

Family Lives,2021,Drugs FAQ, https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/drugs-alcohol/drugs-faq/

Family Lives, 2021,Where to get help from, https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/drugs-alcohol/where-to-get-help-for-your-teen-about-drugs/

FRANK,2021,A Parent’s Guide to Drugs and Alcohol , https://www.drugsandalcohol.ie/18170/1/A_Parent%E2%80%99s_Guide_to_Drugs_and_Alcohol.pdf

Family Lives, Self Harm, https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/health-wellbeing/self-harm/

Family Lives, 2021, Underage Drinking, https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/drugs-alcohol/underage-drinking/

Family Lives, 2021, We build better family lives together,  https://www.familylives.org.uk/

Help Guide, 2021, Parents Guide to Teen Depression, https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/parents-guide-to-teen-depression.htm

Internet Matters, 2021, Helping Parents Keep their Children Safe Online, https://www.internetmatters.org/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMItoL25_m38gIViaztCh31Qw6PEAAYASAAEgJdyPD_BwE

Internet Matters, Learn about sexting, https://www.internetmatters.org/issues/sexting/learn-about-sexting/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMImOWAtY648gIVjrrtCh1XyA75EAAYAyAAEgLDIfD_BwE

Internet Watch Foundation, https://talk.iwf.org.uk/

Ministry of Defence, Guide for Parents of LGBT+ Children, https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/829870/GuideParentsLGBT_A5Booklet_for_gov.uk.pdf

National Bullying Helpline, 2021, Bullying at School – Help and Advice for Parents Dealing with School Bullying, https://www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/kids.html

National Eating Disorders Association, 2015, Parent Toolkit, https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/sites/default/files/Toolkits/ParentToolkit.pdf

NHS, Talking to your Teenager About Sex and Relationships, https://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Talkingaboutsex/Documents/DCSFtalktoyourchild.pdf

Nip in the bud, 2021, Anxiety in Children, https://nipinthebud.org/anxiety-in-children/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIw8n0r5C48gIVxe7tCh3LwQcHEAAYAyAAEgIrOPD_BwE

NSPCC, 2021, Anti Bullying Resources, https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/schools/anti-bullying-resources

NSPCC, 2021, Bullying & Cyberbullying, https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying/

NSPCC,2021, Children & Drugs, https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/talking-drugs-alcohol/children-and-drugs/

NSPCC, 2021, Depression, Anxiety & Mental Health, https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/childrens-mental-health/depression-anxiety-mental-health/

NSPCC, 2021, Keeping Children Safe, https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/?gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI-YTfhPq38gIVle7tCh3TVQYgEAAYAiAAEgKtCPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

NSPCC, 2020, Healthy Relationships, https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/sex-relationships/healthy-relationships/

NSPCC, 2021, Online Abuse, https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/online-abuse/

NSPCC, 2021, Protecting Children from Bullying and Cyberbullying, https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-abuse-and-neglect/bullying

NSPCC,NetAware, 2021, Your Guide to Apps, Games and Social Media Sites, https://www.netaware.org.uk/?gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5mVzm38gIVF5ftCh1bWQpEEAAYASAAEgLz0PD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

NSPCC, 2021, Self- Harm, https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/childrens-mental-health/self-harm/

NSPCC, 2021, Sexting and Sending Nudes, https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/sexting-sending-nudes/?gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoJrXiufB8QIVBertCh3Z8QhHEAAYAiAAEgKao_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Parent Info from CEOP and Parent Zone, 2020, Help and Advice for Families in a Digital World, https://parentinfo.org/

Parent Info From CEOP and Parent Zone, 2020, Advice – Relationships and Sex, ,https://parentinfo.org/articles/relationships-and-sex/all

Parent Info From CEOP and Parent Zone , 2020, Bullying: a parent’s guide, https://parentinfo.org/article/bullying-a-parents-guide

Parent Info, 2020, Eating Disorders and the Internet, https://parentinfo.org/article/eating-disorders-and-the-internet

Parent Info from CEOP and Parent Zone , 2020, Spotting Abuse in Teenage Relationships, https://parentinfo.org/article/spotting-abuse-in-teenage-relationships-0

Parent Info, 2020, What to do of Your Child is Self -Harming, https://parentinfo.org/article/what-to-do-if-your-child-is-self-harming

Psycom, 2021, How to Build Resilience in Children: Strategies to Strengthen your Kids, https://www.psycom.net/build-resilience-children

Regeneration Ministries, Articles on Parenting, https://www.regenerationministries.org/parents/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIg5jku9238gIVQbTtCh2mEQv0EAAYAiAAEgKYYvD_BwE

Respect Me, 2021, Bullying…A Guide for Parents and Carers, https://respectme.org.uk/adults/bullying-a-guide-for-parents-and-carers/

Respect Me -Scotlands Anti Bullying Service, Bullying, What are My Options, http://respectme.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/03611-Bullying…-What-can-I-do-revised-leaflet.pdf

Stem4, 2021, Anxiety, for parents and carers, https://stem4.org.uk/anxiety/anxiety-for-parents-carers/

Stem4, 2021, Depression: for Parents and Carers, https://stem4.org.uk/depression/depression-for-parents-carers/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIs8bHhZK48gIVTJ7tCh0DCQvxEAAYASAAEgLTnfD_BwE

Stem4, 2021, Eating Disorders: For Parents and Carers, https://stem4.org.uk/eating-disorders/eating-disorders-for-parents-carers/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsc79xJO48gIVtGDmCh3nRA1WEAAYASAAEgJgHPD_BwE

Stonewall, 2017, Resources for LGBT People of Faith, https://www.stonewall.org.uk/resources-lgbt-people-faith

Strong Family Alliance, 2017, Parents Guide, https://www.strongfamilyalliance.org/parent-guide/

Talk About Alcohol, 2021, https://www.talkaboutalcohol.com/

The Alcohol Education Trust, 2021, https://alcoholeducationtrust.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/ParentGuide.pdf

The Children’s Society, 2020, Good Childhood Report, https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/sites/default/files/2020-11/Good-Childhood-        Report-2020.pdf

The Children’s Society, 2021, The Good Childhood Report 2020 Summary, https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/information/professionals/resources/good-childhood-report-2020

The Children’s Society, 2020, A Guide to Supporting Young People with their Friendships – An Adults Guide, https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/sites/default/files/2020-10/Good-Childhood-Friendship-Guide-Adults.pdf

Think You Know, Welcome to Think you Know, https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/

Think U Know, Young People Online, https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/parents/Listing/?cat=68,72,73&ref=4768#mMain

Young Minds, 2021, Parents A-Z Guide to Support, https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/a-z-guide/

Young Minds, 2021, We Can Support You,  https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/

Websites and apps to refer your child to:

Transition to Secondary School

Compass, My Moving up to Secondary School Booklet, https://www.compass-uk.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/SecondarySchool_TransitionBooklet_Compass.pdf

Friendships

The Children’s Society, 2020, The Friendship Guide for Young People,  https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/sites/default/files/2020-10/friendship-guide-for-young-people_0.pdf

Relationships, Sexual Activity and Identity

Barnardos, 2021, LGBT Young People, https://www.barnardos.org.uk/what-we-do/supporting-young-people/lgbtq

Bish , 2021, A Guide to Sex, Love and You, https://www.bishuk.com/

Childline, Sexuality,  https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/your-feelings/sexual-identity/sexual-orientation/

Fumble, 2021, Sexuality & Gender, https://www.fumble.org.uk/category/sexuality-      gender/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIlYX9hpyV8gIVmJftCh1SmgF_EAAYAiAAEgJByvD_BwE

Rise Above, 2021, Love Life, https://riseabove.org.uk/topic/love-life/

TeensHealth, 2017, Am I in a Healthy Relationship?,  https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/healthy-relationship.html

The Princes Trust, 2021, LGBT+ Resources,  https://www.princes-trust.org.uk/help-for-young-people/who-else/housing-health-wellbeing/wellbeing/sexuality

The Proud Trust, Home of LGBT+ and Youth,  https://www.theproudtrust.org/

Bullying & Cyber Bullying

Anti-Bullying Alliance – https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/advice-and-support/if-youre-being-bullied

Anti-Bullying Alliance, 2021, I am Being Bullied, https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/advice-and-support/if-youre-being-bullied/i-am-being-bullied

Bullies Out, Are you Being Bullied?, https://bulliesout.com/need-support/young-people/are-you-being-bullied/

Bullying UK, Advice for Young People, https://www.bullying.co.uk/advice-for-young-people/

Childline – https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/types-bullying/bullying-cyberbullying/

Ditch the Label – https://www.ditchthelabel.org/bullying-support-hub/ 

Mental Health

Barnardos, 2021, What is Anxiety: A Guide for Young People, https://www.barnardos.org.uk/blog/what-anxiety?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIw8n0r5C48gIVxe7tCh3LwQcHEAAYBCAAEgJJOvD_BwE

Beat, 2021, Learn More About Eating Disorders, https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/about-beat/

Health Talk, Depression and Low Mood (Young People),  https://healthtalk.org/depression-and-low-mood/childhood-and-life-before-depression

Health Talk, Eating Disorders (Young People),  https://healthtalk.org/eating-disorders/overview

Mind – https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/for-children-and-young-people/

No Panic, Youth Hub,  https://nopanic.org.uk/youth-hub/

Self Harm UK, Free online support for 14-19s,  https://www.selfharm.co.uk/

Young Minds, 2021, You are Not alone: Supporting you and your Mental Health, https://www.youngminds.org.uk/

Useful Apps

Base – helps children struggling with depression and anxiety

Get Self Help – offers free cognitive behavioural resources and work sheets

MindShift – helps teens and young people cope with anxiety

MoodKit – helps people with depression and anxiety manage and track their moods

Positive Penguins (for children up to 12 years old) – helps children understand their feelings and challenge negative thinking

Stop Panic and Anxiety Self Help – helps people experiencing panic attacks

Youper – helps people with social anxiety gain confidence in social situations

Calm Harm – aims to help young people resist the urge to self harm

Rise Up Recovery Warriors – eating disorder recovery tool

Keeping Safe Online

Health for Teens, 2021, Grooming:Just the Facts, https://www.healthforteens.co.uk/relationships/exploitation/grooming-just-the-facts/?location=Manchester

Childline, 2021, Staying Safe Online,  https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/staying-safe-online/

Department for Education, Young Persons Guide to Keeping Children Safe,  https://www.cescp.org.uk/pdf/young-persons-guide-to-keeping-children-safe.pdf

NSPCC, 2021, Online Safety Resources,  https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/online-safety/

General Support

The Mix, Essential Support for under 25s, https://www.themix.org.uk/

Childline, https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/

NSPCC,  https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/our-services/